I could have mohawked her pubes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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