you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize