I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
