I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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