Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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