it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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