You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
