he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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