Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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