Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
