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We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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