Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
