God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
