Small penises have feelings too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
