I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
