Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
