A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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