Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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