I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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