Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
false alarm, still single
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
