The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
