2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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