It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
