but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
