i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
