Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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