we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She needs sedatives and a leash
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
