my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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