we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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