Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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