literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
