went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
