Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
