so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
