You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
