I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
