my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
