i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
