so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
