piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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