there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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