I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she peed on how many people?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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