please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
