And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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