Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
