I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
