I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize