I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
