Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
