wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
