so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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