somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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