We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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