Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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