the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
