hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize