just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize