Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
