Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
