remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize