someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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