Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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