Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
