Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
only if we run a train.
done.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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