I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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