Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
