i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
