You can't special order awesome
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
