have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
