Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize